thorns in her.. heart..

maybe its not the same,
                     or my senses have gone dull
the pain remains effervescent,
                    bubbles back frequently
not sure I would deal with it,
                    I end up making mess of it
its either temper that plays foul,
                   or ego that comes in the way
eventually its tears glistening her eyes
                  that makes my heart skip a beat
my tears can be held back
                  letting them flow makes no sense
the thorns in her heart can be plucked
                 by words of love and care maybe

dormant rebel

the fire rages within me,
                        lulls me into thinking
a thought that escapes logic,
                        whether I really have tamed it
they say you can tame the wild,
                        the spirit that was always free
may be it can be tied down,
                        or held in a cage of misdirection
for how long can you really hold,
                        eventually it will spill out
like hot lava of emotions that is spewed,
                       from a dormant volcano of our soul

Traversing the learning curve

I have started traversing the learning curve. And it's not as easy as I believed it would be. Nevertheless I have started learning to drive a car. In spite of being familiar with the ABC's(accelerator, brake, clutch)of driving due to riding bikes for more than a decade. The mind can't readily accept the changed environ and apply the same concepts that come instinctively. Anyway onto matters far more interesting. Once I have mastered the basics of driving, a shiny hyundai i10 would be waiting to be taken out for a spin. That doesn't mean my love for two wheels had diminished. Instead it has evolved to something I am yet to define. And the highlight of this evolution would be Royal Enfield Bullet Electra, which I tag as coming soon. So watch this space for some exciting motoring Info.

And I wonder

I do wonder, at times. But it isn't a wonder that I haven't been able to post a single post on my blog in  a long time. I could easily hide under the excuse of a busy married life. But that is not something I want to do. Its just that I wonder that why I didn't learn to drive a car. Now that I feel the need to buy a car, I first need to find time to learn one. As the need for car increases with passing time, I need to act fast. It isn't just driving that is missing among list of basic skills, swimming is also one that I have avoided learning. So these two skills are one that I need to learn, while Piano keyboard and Spanish langugage are skills I want to learn. And of course I have to do all the that continuing to do my basic duty as an employee/son/husband/brother/friend. Phew! That's not really huge, its quite common and many people achieve more in spite of all and more distractions. So I really need to gear up to make a difference in my life. To learn something that would keep me occupied in my retirement time. I know its many years away, but time really flies at times.

Here I am,, this is me

A comeback post of sorts inspired by my dear friend Tasha, who is also a fellow blogger.
Its been a long time since my last post. And its not that I haven't tried. Last few posts are littered with drafts, that I don't feel like removing.
Have I changed as a person, that I don't feel like posting here anymore? Well, change is inevitable, but my writing spirit is still alive. 
But then some things have changed, and one of them is that I will be getting engaged in a few weeks. 
Still in spite of changes, my love for travelling, music, gaming, movies, books, and Arsenal are unchanged. And I intent to keep it that way, even after marriage. Though making time for marathon sessions of gaming will be difficult, it can be adjusted. 
I am looking forward to this adventure called marriage to begin, even thought its is still 4 months away. 
Well, enough of this future talk. So talking about present, means having to mention the horrible state our climate is in. October has already begun, and we are still getting evening rains and humid climate. It is very unusual as usually Monsoons recede halfway through September. 

The above photo was taken at a beach near "her" native place at "Tondavali, Malvan". 

That is it! for now!
See you later, with something more. 
Adios!

just a tag

Thanks to Shomoita for this tag.
1.  What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

play modern warfare 2(I recently upgraded my PC)

2.  What's been on your mind most lately?

my fiance and my work

3.  Right now, at this moment, what to you want most?

go and meet her

4.  In order of importance, how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame?

Health, Money, Happiness, Love, Fame.

5.  What word best describes the way you have spent the last month of your life?

Work!

6.  What is the #1 motivator in your life right now?

Happily married life!

7.  In one sentence, who are you?

I just go for it, or act like I do.

8.  What do you want to be known for?

A crazy guy whose presence they miss.

9.  If you have to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss most?

mom, dad, sister, fiance, friends, my bike, my home, everything,

10.  In one year from today, how would you think your life would be different?

I would be a married man!

11.  Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my fiance, family, friends

12.  What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend?

one of (story-teller/listener), modesty, love for life

13.  What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

learn calculus..  I scraped through high school, graduation, post graduation without really learning it..

14.  What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

gadgets.. lots of them..

15.  What stands between you and what you want?

stuff.. lots of stuff..

16.  What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

play PC games, or ride my bike.

17.  When did you first realize that life is short?

when I realized I had gone through 20 years of life, and it didn't fell like it.

18.  What do you need to spend more time doing?

everything

19.  What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

that I can be lame at times

20.  What's something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

give up

21.  What's a common misconception people have about you?

I am quiet/shy/khadus(bitter)

22.  What's something no one can take away from you?

that I am suprisingly unpredictable

23.  What is something that you would hate to go without for a day?

talking to her, mobile phone and watch

24.  When you look into the past, what do you miss the most?

my childhood friends

25.  What memory from this past year makes you smile the most?

everything that happened

26.  What's the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months?

finish things that you pickup, and do it quick, but one at a time.

27.  If not now, then when?

soon

28.  What have you done, that you are truly proud of?

I don't lose temper now, but I don't keep my thoughts bottled up.

29.  What's something new that you recently learned about yourself?

I can learn to cook

30.  What do you want to remember forever?

the happy times

31.  What could society do without?

ego

32.  What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of?

love

33.  If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?

put your differences aside and have fun

34.  What's something you said you'd never do, but have since done?

fall in love

35.  What's something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

arranged marriage

36.  What didn't last forever, but still worth your while?

my first bike. bajaj pulsar 180

37.  If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of yourself one thing, what would you tell?

dude! learn to drive a car!

38.  If you knew you were dying in 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

I will miss you

39.  When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?

no way

40.  What questions do you often ask yourself?

You really want this?

-------------The End-------------

I tag all of you, my beloved readers.

hoping

I never did stare at the sky..

irony is I never could find the time

the warm sun would be ignored..

so would the shining moon..

someone said just give it glance..

and be washed in the beauty..

for the moment be lost..

in something that doesn't make sense..

since then sky is not the same..

so much that even clouds talk back..

does bring back fleeting memories..

of the time of being a kid..

counting the stars claiming to own a star..

hoping .. for something.. and still hoping..

emotional fool

girl: I can't believe it, you could not find time to meet me, in spite of we working nearby.
guy: I don't know what to say.
girl: you could not spare time even for a cup of coffee
guy: its not like I did not have time. Its just that going out of the way to do something I don't do.. I ...
girl: we are not strangers, are we?..
guy: no! . its just that  .. uhh.. I am sorry..
girl: sorry! yeah .. right...

guy: (lost in his thoughts)
{how can I tell her that since she got engaged, I have been trying to avoid her. She is somebody else's now. How can I even be friends with her. I feel sad. .... feel like a loser .. loser who did not get love but also lost a friend..   ..  Wait ! I shouldn't feel sad. How much effort did she take to meet me? How many times did she even bother to call or text me? I mean!! shit !! why didn't I propose to her earlier .. shit shit shit !}

girl: hey! what happened? don't think too much about it..

boy: no! yeah!, at least we are here now...meeting finally
(again his mind wanders!)
{but it isn't the same, anyway, I am sure , he is perfect for her, something I could never be. I always knew she was too much for me. No, I mean we are too similar in our likes, but then don't they say, opposites attract..arrrgh! i am such a ..}

girl: yeah, it feels good..
boy: by the way, how is he? is he still working at...
girl: (she interrupts) didn't I tell you? we broke up !
boy: .................


---------------------------------------------------
p.s. another attempt at narrative fiction, still working on it..  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Mistake

                                                

This is what is referred to as the “Double Bill”. Not in exact terms. But using the theme of mistakes, I have portrayed two distinct thought processes revolving around a similar premise. Ok! I will stop fooling around with words. Just read them.


 “Mistake” Vol. 1  : -

                                                       

Even after a long time

I still feel  regret

Still feel "what if"

friends say it’s called insecurity

I still don’t know what it means

just like i didn't know back then

All the time that I had you near

It wasn't even one of my fear

It should have been crystal clear

as you now feel dear to me

Should have called you when you needed a talk

Should have walked when you needed a walk

Should have been where you were

waiting and waiting with no sign of me

shouldn't have left you stranded

or ditching you at last moment

But I didn't see it through

Had no knowledge of feelings being true

Should have showed that I did care

of course I am now just too scared

afraid to accept that you are gone

become somebody else's soul mate

I still wait not for you to be back

But for time to heal me through

And I hope I don't repeat

the mistakes that I still rue

even after all this time

as I lie here in my dying time

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Mistake” Vol.2: - 

free me now

   from the love

                 that I felt

                                by mistake

I didn't mean

  to feel love

                that I felt

               by mistake

I didn't know

   that by knowing you

                It would feel

                       like a mistake

Because you don't

   feel love

                the way I do

                                Is it my mistake?

Withdrawal Symptoms

Yeah I am showing withdrawal symptoms due to 5 day long vacation from work. Getting back to work after a break of 5 days is not an easy task. Alarms, schedules and routine have to be reset again. Usually 3 day break is enough for me to face this problem, adding 2 more days is always going to complicate things.
I have been careless with my health these last few days or should I say weeks, eating junk food, late night movies, fizz drinks, no workouts, etc. So I need to fix up that part of routine too. Oh no! its not part of any new year resolution. I can't wait for two more months and let things deteriorate further.
..........................
My mind just went blank. I don't know what else to type. It happens sometimes. When I have lots of thoughts but by the time I am ready to write/type them they hide themselves. Its like Anil Kapoor from Mr. India, and looking through red colored glass doesn't help.
Winter is sure to mark its arrival soon, and I hope it chills a bit more than usual. Even though I am not a fan of cold climates, I love change. And since it has been raining crazily in monsoon, I hope it cools well enough in winter. So that I can go on a nice bike trip or a trek to Torna Fort.
Yeah! Torna fort! plans have been made to go to this fort for more than 2-3 years, but never have these plans been put to action. One of my dear friends has said she wants to go for a trek, somethings I promised her many year back. But Torna fort is not for beginners. So I am still thinking which would be a easier trek to go for. Will post about it when I decide.
..........................
RaOne (I know, but not jokes please) and InTime are movies to watch out for coming weekend.
..........................
Arsenal had a terrible start to the season so far, but we are recovering and proving recovery by beating the cunts from stamford bridge 5-3.
..........................
First every Formula One Grand Prix at Buddh International Circuit was superb. S. Vettel is currently class apart. Lewis Hamilton is crazy and imperfect driver but always eventful. Force India could do better.
..........................
Have been listening to some Indian bands recently. "The Echoes", "Skinny Alley" and "Menwhopause". Will post reviews as soon as I can.
..........................
Well I hope that's all for now. More, soon than later