Friday, September 13, 2019

Sweet Coincidence

I was startled, no way!
I wish I could scramble out of class and go out.
I kept looking at the watch and even our lecturer noticed my anxiety.
"Do you have to be somewhere else?"
Of course, the wimp that I am, how could I say or bluff my way out of it.
I just nodded "No", and sneakily kept counting the minutes.

Finally when the lecture ended, I took my time to let the lecturer get back to staff room.
And when I walked out to her classroom, I couldnt' hear usual commotion.
But neither could I hear anyone teaching.
And it turned out to be that the class was mostly empty, I mean she wasnt there except a few of her classmates.

I started walking back to my class dejectedly, and got lost in my thoughts.
I almost bumped into her as she left the staff room.
I uttered sorry and turned to continue walking. Even though it happened quickly, I felt time slow down.
My heart telling me to stop and chat. But even though I saw her pause and felt her expecting some small talk.
I just kept walking away.

After the adrenaline rush has washed off, began, the self talk.
"I should have at least said, pointing to my tshirt, Linkin Park. You too ? Or same pinch Linkin park " . 'No thats childish."

I mean a sweet coincidence doesn't come about daily.
And our paths won't cross again as I was in CS and she was in Mass Media.

That night, I dreamt talking to her about our favorite linkin park song for hours.
Chester's singing, shinoda's rapping, the riffs of course the lyrics and so on.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

more of the same

the crinkled remains of my thoughts
the ashes of my misdoings
the crumbling walls of my actions
the open door of outgoing voices
the broken windows of hurt souls

live every moment in subdued pain
believe the delusion that everything is fine
turn the page to life everyday 
hoping that it will get better
yet go to a corner everyday 
to let tears stream and dry on cheeks
let the pen scramble across the paper 

yet dont diagnose yourself with depression 
dont think you are one of a kind picture of human tragedy
victim of someone else's wrongdoings 
you are the fruit of your misgiving
maybe its the may you are built 
just like a typhoon that destroys everything in its path 
or the volcano that just blows and blows and burns everything
knowing no better way to go about itself 

maybe ending it is ....
is it better...
will it be a cure.. 
or will it be another unending slide into more ..
of the same