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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Why Relationship Fail 2 – Lack Of Trust

By Sanket ‘been there…done that’ Kambli

Last time I had written a feature on fear of commitments. Continuing on this trend, let us take a look at other reasons for a failed love relationship.
It can be regarded as a fragile element of relationships which needs continual nurturing. Guess what it is
This week we focus on trust, and how its absence can bring down a relationship.
Trust is foundational because it creates a safe environment for intimacy to grow. If your relationship is going to work you need to be able to trust your partner with your past, your present and your future. Trust is supposed to be an intangible concept, meaning its definition is not bound in boundaries of sentences.
People often will trust a total stranger before trusting an intimate partner because that total stranger cannot hurt them like they imagine a partner can. Tony Robbins (counselor) tells a great story about how we all trust every single day of our lives while driving our cars. The fact of the matter is--it takes a great deal of trust to drive down a road at 70 kmph with another car coming the other way at 70 kmph and only one white line separating the two of you. The potential for danger is great--you don't know that other person; you don't know if they've been drinking; you don't know if they'll stay on their side of the road. That, my friend, takes a lot of trust. When we trust someone, we are willing to enter into a trusting relationship we are willing to conduct ourselves differently engage in a wider range of actions, and also to be more open to a variety of experiences. To develop and flourish a relationship, trust is an important ingredient. When trust erodes, the relationship deteriorates. The behavior of other person, starts evoking a doubtful response from us, acting like poison, silently killing the relationship. Mistrust has a devastating impact on relationships and on the types and quality of conversations that will occur. One or two instances can raise important and lingering questions, which may remain in the background and have a silent but devastating impact on the quality of the relationship. In spite of being an inherent part of a relationship, it is unfortunately taken for granted. We may only become aware of its importance when we feel trust has been broken.
That is why it is said that, "Trust is the glue which holds relationships together"
But what is trust?
Alan Sieler (relationship expert) says, "It can be claimed that trust is simultaneously a bodily sensation, an emotion and a linguistic phenomenon (a judgment or an opinion). It’s a gut feeling that can be the emotional and bodily component of trust.
Generally trust is also associated with sincerity and reliability.
Trust allows you to reveal who you really are.
Trust opens the door to honest communication.
Once you've cleared up your communication, trusting your partner will help you to fight fair when disagreements occur.
Building trust takes time; you need to show your partner that you are trustworthy and that you trust them in return. If your partner has trouble trusting, you can do a lot to create an environment where trust can grow.
As advocated by, Susie and Otto Collins, the secret is constant communication, one moment at a time.
It's about practicing honesty and not hiding, no matter how painful the truth is. Think of two important people in your life who are part of your relationships network. One with which you have a positive relationship, and one which is not so positive. What differences do you find in your assessments of sincerity, reliability and competence for each relationship? What is different for you emotionally and bodily in these assessments? What is different about the quality of the conversations? What conversations and other actions, by both you and the other person, need to occur for trust to be built? What small steps are you willing to begin to take to have these conversations? Lastly, can we rebuild trust? This clearly depends on whether you and the other person are ready and willing to take corrective action. In other words, I may be able to let go of resentment, I may come to understand the other person and forgive him, but if I do not see evidence of his willingness to make changes, it may not be possible for me to trust him again. Clearly, rebuilding trust is a gradual process that can take weeks, months, or even years. If you are the type of person who is constantly running across clues that concern you, sit down alone and consider the nature of your trust. Do you actively believe that your partner is committed to the relationship and looking out for both of your best interests? Do you believe that, if your partner was feeling discontent or unsatisfied, he or she would come to you first? Or, deep down, do you believe your partner is capable of breaking your commitment to one another? If the latter is true, you are simply tolerating the situation and waiting for wrongdoing. This is not trust and that fact needs to be examined.

When Mumbai runs, the world will watch!!!!

By Sanket ‘stunned by length of the half marathon itself’ Kambli

Marathon made it its entry into the minds of many Indians, with the Mumbai Marathon 2004. And the marathon is back in Mumbai, and is set to capture our imagination once again. The city's showcase to the world, the third edition of the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon, slated for Sunday, January 15, 2006 was officially announced by Mr. Jaspal Bindra, General Manager - South East Asia and Mr. Neeraj Swaroop, Chief Executive Officer of Standard Chartered Bank - the title sponsor, in the presence of Shri Suresh Kalmadi, President of the Athletic Federation of India and Indian Olympic Association, Prashant Ruia of Essar, the Associate Sponsor, the key visionaries, whose contribution has put Mumbai on the global sporting map. "We are very happy to see the scale, the community involvement and the participation by national and international athletes achieved for the event. It is remarkable to be touted amongst the top 10 marathons in the world in a short span of 2 years" said Jaspal Bindra - GM, South East Asia, Standard Chartered Bank. "Being part of the Greatest Race On Earth (GROE) has further added to the international appeal and participation by the top ranked world athletes", he added. Neeraj Swaroop - CEO India, Standard Chartered Bank said, "The increase in number of participants will allow us to accommodate and engage more people with the event. I'm sure that we will provide even a greater experience this year." This year the organizers of the events, Procam International, have decided to increase the total number of entries that will be accepted vis-à-vis the first two years, this is because, in the second year many marathon aficionado turned away as running places were filled up much before the final day of registration. The race categories for the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon 2006 will be as follows:
Full Marathon (42.195kms)
Half Marathon (21.097kms)
Dream Run (7kms)
Sr. Citizens' Run (5kms)
Wheelchair Event (3.5kms)
A maximum of 3500 running places will be offered for the Full Marathon, while 6000 places will be available for the Half Marathon. The Dream Run will house 12,500 participants and 2,500 places will be set aside for the Corporate Challenge. 3000 entries will be permitted in the Senior Citizens' Run. 100 entries will be accepted for the Wheelchair Event, the total number of participants exceeding 27,500, which is over 2,500 more than the first two years. USD 210,000 worth of prize money is at stake. And if anyone thought that this would be just a national affair, they are fairly wrong, there will be over 130 GROE teams participating, compared to 61 teams from last year. The Nations Teams will have representation from 32 countries, including newcomers from Japan, China, Jordan, Finland, Ukraine, Denmark and Switzerland -- making this a truly global event.
The people of Mumbai and India broke all records by their unprompted and uninhibited retort to the charity drive, which is a vital initiative of the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon.
The first year saw Rs 1.5 crore collected for charity, a figure that leapfrogged to Rs 4.5 crore in 2005.
Give India, the official Charity Partner to the Event is confident of comfortably crossing that figure this time around.
Here we should give hats off salute not only to the organizers but also to the volunteers who sweat to make this event a success.
And all those who volunteer to run for a cause and provoke others to contribute for a cause, be it, businessmen or college students, has brought to the fore their social conscience. Many may be skeptical of this approach, but like they say where there is a will, there is a way. And in keeping with the tradition of this proverb, the organizers have incorporated a senior citizens and wheelchair category. This event is surely a symbol of various facets of our indomitable spirit, whose facets include charity to endurance.
The 3rd Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon to be held on January 15th, 2006.
Title Sponsor: Standard Chartered Bank
Associate Sponsor: Essar
Supported by: Government of Maharashtra
Under the Aegis of: Athletic Federation of India
Promoted by: Procam International

The Fair and Handsome ploy

By Sanket ‘who thinks fairness creams are sick’ Kambli

An advertisement on FM radio 98.3 men shocked me. The ad spoke about how men need to have their own fairness cream. Yes! I am talking about the Men's Fairness cream. The fairness fetish is spilling over to the guy’s side. Already there have been blatantly persistent attempts to downgrade women of dark complexion. And now these over smart marketing noses are spilling this fairness fetish over the other side. But should we really blame the marketing executives who are just doing their jobs, when it runs in our culture that fair is beautiful, these guys are probably only making not so few bucks out of the inferior complexes that we have inherited from the society. Why is it that, many of us forget, that one can be beautiful even if one is dark, and unattractive even if one is fair. So why do we lay such a premium on fair skin. Still, many spend hours trying to lighten their skin and wishing that they had lighter skin, and thousands of rupees on products that claim to lighten our skin. More damaging than the time and money spent, is their inbuilt belief that they are in some manner inferior because they are not ‘fair’. For some, this complex dissipates as they grow older and wiser, discovering numerous abilities and talents, but unfortunately, others never seem to be able to let go this feeling of inadequacy. And it is not surprising that, when you take a look at any matrimonial ad, and the text will in all probability say ‘looking for a convent educated, fair, beautiful girl…,blah, blah.....Then why wouldn't a girl, or say, a guy, with dark skin will want to lighten it?

Bend It Like.........S. K. Somaiya Football Team

By Sanket ‘not a fan of david beckham’ Kambli

By the time this article goes to print, the final match to decide the best college football team of Mumbai University may have been already played.
And irrespective of the result, this team of S.K. Somaiya should receive more than a standing ovation for the feat they have already achieved. Because; this is the first S. K. Somaiya football team, to enter the finals of this event, which began in September. They bettered their last year’s performance, when they managed to reach the semis.
And I wouldn’t be surprising to see them stun everyone and lift the cup by winning the final. This is because; they have stormed into the finals of this tourney carrying the tag of underdogs, all along. An all their detractors who think they are just a motley crew, who got lucky, are completely wrong. This prolific team put up explosive performances to register convincing wins (say, 3-1 against Xaviers), with only one drawn. And these performances came against local football powerhouses like St. Andrews, Khalsa, Rizvi, Xaviers, and Thakur.
This attacking team which has players playing at club level is equally good at defending, with just one goal let in, in 5 matches.
Up front this team has Kunal Prasad and Sonu Thapa, while the midfield playmakers are Amit Yaday, Omkar Sawant, Mohnish Bhambre, and Vivek Yadav. And before any opponent striker dreams about getting a one-on-one with their goalie Nitesh Thakur, will have to go through their wall like defense consisting of Gautam Sardar, Sumit Ghavale, Navin Sadul, and Sachin Shinde. And this team has got good bench strength of some tenacious players like John Paul, Ramesh Peddy, Jude Nunes, Srikant Mokal, Prem Yadav, Vishal Prasad, Elvis Colaco, and Subhash Singh.
The credit of canalizing, the youthful exuberance of this team into a winning combo, must go to, Prof. Ravikant Sangurde.