I always thought that I can't really get along with people. That my habits, thoughts, likes and
dislikes are too weird for general folks.
After travelling with a bunch of people with variation of gender/age/personalities, I have realized that others are equally snobby/fussy.
Its just that they carry it on their sleeves, or impose the same on others. I am more like, live and
let live. And if something isn't my kind of thing, I will just withdraw.
Maybe I will object it, sometimes. But actually most of time I will just take a step back.
Oh, of course I will sometimes pretend to be in it. But soon I will get tired of play acting.
In the end, people think I am mean/loner/selfish. And it has taken my decades to accept it.
Yes, I am a bit selfish. Not just that I can be judgmental or mean. I take a joke badly, but
sometimes can crack a joke that could hurt the wrong way(yeah, one of the reason I shut up and don't
And yet there are times I am loss at words. I will just stare and smile and not say anything. Because
in the quest of saying something good or right I end up saying nothing.
But lets come back to self-acceptance about something people have said a lot of times to me and I have fought and denied it.
Selfish. I only think about myself. Self-survival.
I don't know how many of you guys know me that much, but I am sure I have done something for you to claim this.
And I have denied it. I don't live in denial anymore.
I asked myself why?
Am I looking for pity? or is it self pity.
Maybe I am fed up of being a fake. Its who I am. I come with strings attached that are dragging me
like anchors. But those are still my anchors to drag about. And I won't weigh others down with them.
Oh no, I am not being some kind of angel of burden.
One more self realization that I have had is that I am no special. Actually my ordinariness is that I
am just about average in everything and mostly bad at most things. Just like millions out there.
You know how middle class marathi mothers are, they make you think you are special.
Well, I will be damned if I try to portray myself as some kind of enlightened guru.
I am not, I have still lot of knots that put my mind in a mess at regular intervals. Well, I hope I
sort them out in the next decade.