Retards of my office

I am going to "diss" some people. So if you are the sensitive types, please stay away. 

I guess retard wouldn't be the right word to describe them. Ideally they should be called insensitive bastards. 

But then by calling them dimwit retards sounds less aggressive. 

These shitheads in my office, who sit in vicinity of my office desk but thankfully aren't part of my team are such pain to the brain, that one could bleed grey matter if that was possible after listening to their drivel. 

Here is a list of their antics that drives me to madness. 

-they make statements which I later realize are jokes when they all "lol" at the same time. And this "lol" isn't just proverbial they do it literally. So yes a sad nonsense of humor. 

-they discuss their stuff loudly from a distance instead of walking over and not disturb everyone else

-this one person laughs everytime she talks, its like drinking water at the same time you are chewing food

-then there are the usual irritators who burp loudly, pick their teeth, use obnoxious perfume/deo

-some who leave their chairs in middle of walkways around their desks forcing people to dodge chairs while walking. 

-and now that we are on it, there are people who wear clothes that are either loud or inappropriate office wear 

-not to forget jerks with crass ringtones,

-or bigger jerks that play songs on low volume but still audible